on opening up.

it's 11:51 AM on monday, march 11th, 2013.

my half birthday was yesterday; 23 1/2. weird. what are you supposed to do at 23 1/2? live? that's what i feel like i've been trying to do. i hate the part where you get confused and are continuously trying to plan your life and you get so caught up in planning that you forget you're an actually human being who is supposed to be having fun.

i'm sitting here as my desk continuously hitting the refresh button on my email.

i applied to around 30 jobs this weekend, give or take a few. (i won't go into details for confidentiality purposes and respect to my co-workers but i'm just not happy here. it becomes a moral issue and i know that i don't belong here. that's all that i'm going to say.) as some of you know i live about 45 minutes north of philadelphia. i lived there for a couple years when i went to college but then relocated to the main line to finish out the duration of my schooling. since then a lot has happen, emphasis on a lot. i ended a terrible relationship, my dad got sick, i entered a new relationship, we moved in together, i commuted over 2 hours each day to finish my degree, i graduated from school, we renewed our lease, we moved, back to new hope after a hiccup that i again won't go into, we moved into B's parents house, i got a job, i moved out of B's parents house, moved backback to my parents house, B and i broke up, B and i got back together, kind of. and that's where i currently am.

it was never a part of my "plan" to move back to my parents house, i love my parents and appreciate everything that they do for me but i'm ready to be living independently from them. hence why i applied for jobs. i'm ready for a change. everyone seems to be on board with this decision. i've said ever since i left philadelphia how i would love to go back when my career and schooling situation had changed, well this is that time. B and i aren't living together, i'm financially able to move and i'm job hunting. i miss a lot about the city. i miss being able to walk everywhere, not having to use a car. i miss the open air markets, being able to lay in the sun in a park, being close to friends. i miss the spontaneity of everything the most. so that's it i'm headed from to philly (que the "it's always sunny" trailer). 

i'm excited about this change. at least i think i am. i know it's necessary and that in my heart i want to be back in philly, ideally i'd like to be there with B but hopefully soon.

(18-years-old with red hair carrying my camera on south street.)

also;

please pardon the 'blogs' appearance, i'm realizing that i'm not as computer savvy as i used to be and have no idea how to go about making this space look like i'd like it to-- that being said, any help would be much appreciated.