the banana plant is not a tree (and other discoveries)

is it normal to get sad over a a stem of a banana?

because i cried over mine today. i look at the stem of the banana that was connected to a bushel of other bananas and i cried. it's taken me three hours to write that sentence. i'm a blur of emotions today. and yesterday. and the day before. i took a banana for breakfast and got a look at the stem and thought about how i'd probably never see a banana plant. i'd probably never get to do any of the things that i long to do out of pure fear. i'm scared of so much. i'm scared of taking chances. i'm scared of making mistakes.

this is something that i've dealt with for most of my life and in result i've been hesitant to change. i keep a big middle ground in fear that i may fail and worse, be good as something and ultimately one day wake up and realize that alas-- i've lost that talent. (edit: it's actually rejection, something i'm not really good at taking)

i don't really have anything that particularly moves me. i'm guilty of falling into hobbies and quickly losing interest. i do this with people. and places. i'm sorry if it's affected you personally. it's affected me my entire life. goodness, this is depressing. for the first time in 7 years i'm out of a relationship. every decision i've made in the past 7 years have been solely based on another human being that wasn't me. i'm not kidding. it's a scary realization. fucking terrifying. to be out of college, in your first job and wake up and realize, "wow, i'm tremendously unhappy."

and today that's what the banana stem taught me.